Character traits that made you successful often also led to burnout episodes. These episodes of burnout were slowly destroying your self-confidence. While this may have seen worth it to achieve success, now this low self-confidence is holding you back – preventing you from pursuing the life you want and dream of.
A couple of years ago, I considered it a normal part of my life that I would go through cycles of being super focused and productive, to crashing into burnout.
I specifically remember one burnout episode during my first year of medical school. I had had a busy semester, working hard, doing exams and assignments, really eager, productive, and determined to do well. And one day I just crashed. I burned out hard.
For the next two weeks, I binge-watched every episode of Poirot (I love murder mysteries!), ate lots of ice cream and chocolate, didn’t talk to anyone, didn’t answer my phone or messages, and I slept a lot. I was exhausted.
On top of this, I felt so guilty for feeling like this.
I thought if I was just strong enough, I wouldn’t be burnt out.
So, with each burnout episode, my self-confidence chipped away a little further. Even though I was considered Type A and by all traditional standards successful and ambitious, productive and determined, each time I burned out, a little voice inside my head was telling me:
If you were really all that people think, you wouldn’t be sitting on this couch binge-watching a show.
You see, it’s true what you’ve suspected all along, that you’re not really strong enough. You’re actually weak. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be exhausted right now.
Other people who are successful don’t experience this – you’re never going to be successful.
Slowly, burnout was destroying my self-confidence.
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Have you experienced burnout?
You’re definitely not alone. A recent Gallop study found that 23% of people felt burnt out very frequently or always burnout, while 44% experienced burn out sometimes.
This is a huge number of people! And I was definitely one of them.
Other people that have publicly talked about being burnt out include Arianna Huffington and Gloria Steinem.
What is burnout really?
Burnout is a combination of exhaustion, cynicism, and inefficacy that we feel all at once.
It happens because for a while we have been experiencing stress without any way of preventing or coping with it.
In a culture geared towards working hard, intense competition, “making it”, and success, we work exceptionally hard to get to where we want to be. We keep pushing ourselves without having checks along the way that will tell us if we’re overextending.
We keep putting stress on ourselves without coping with this stress, without stopping to let our body rest and adjust to the stressors. As a result, we eventually burn out.
Why does it matter?
Burnout is more than the exhaustion we feel while it is happening.
It is also more than the negative effects to our relationships.
I think, one of the biggest problems with burnout is the negative effect it has on self-confidence.
Each time we burnout, we are destroying our self-confidence – telling ourselves stories like:
If I were stronger, this wouldn’t be happening.
Other people don’t experience this – I must not be good enough.
I’ll never succeed in life because I’m weak – as shown by these repeated bouts of burnout.
What happens when burnout is destroying our self-confidence?
It’s interesting that the character traits that give these repeated cycles of burnout are often the same traits that made you incredibly successful – at least for a time.
It’s traits like, determination, hard work, relentless effort, long hours, grit, and perseverance that got you to where you are today: successful by any standards.
When it seems like the burnout was worth it
You worked relentlessly to finished a good school and to a good job. During this time, you may have experienced burnout once or many times. But it seemed worth it because it looks like you’re going to ride the corporate ladder as high as you can take it.
Why we need that self-confidence
But when that life is no longer leaving you feeling happy, challenged, and fulfilled, when you have an idea for a different career, or your own side hustle business, the self-confidence that has been chipping away for years with each burnout episode comes forward, left, right, and center.
Even though it seems like this new path is exciting, you are passionate about it, and it can give you the kind of lifestyle you want, (flexibility to travel, no boss, ability to work from home and spend time with family) fear-based thoughts start creeping in:
What makes me think I can do this?
I don’t know if I have what it takes to succeed in this.
I should just stick with what I know.
What if it doesn’t work – that will be so embarrassing.
These are fears that are caused by low self-confidence.
And this is important because, without self-confidence, these fears take away your strength and courage to do what you love in life, to embrace your dream and charge towards it.
I get how this feels.
After years of cycles of burnout, my self-confidence was running real low. When I started my job, I realized I wasn’t feeling challenged or excited anymore. I thought: is this why I worked so hard? Is this the end goal? It’s not as worth it as I was led to believe.
I had an idea for a side hustle business. Something that made me so excited, that gave me butterflies in my stomach. And just like you, I was worried whether I could do it. I didn’t know anything about business, because I came from a science background. What if it didn’t work? That would be so embarrassing.
And the feeling is very much a feeling of being stuck. You want to move forward, towards this life that you want, but you don’t know – you’ve been on this traditional path for too long.
Stopping burnout from destroying self-confidence & building up lost self-confidence
Preventing burnout to prevent more loss of self-confidence
Martha Beck once said that it’s hard to experience burnout when you’re doing what you love. I completely agree with this. I get tired, but I don’t get burnt out anymore.
If you’re still experiencing burnout, there are many things you can do to prevent it from happening. Be sure to check out this article: The Ultimate Guide to Burnout Prevention. In it, you’ll also find The Ultimate Journal for Burnout Prevention – for the busy professional.
Preventing burnout will stop burnout from destroying your self-confidence any more.
Improving already lost self-confidence
After I started doing what I love, I implemented key skills to increase my self-confidence. I worked on every one of those fears listed above. Fears that are routed in imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and fear of failure.
Through time, I’ve overcome each of these, to give myself the self-confidence and courage needed to take control of my life, and do what I love, what I think is important: helping other women embrace their true self and pursue the kind of life they want, not the one they settle for. No matter what other people think, no matter how strange it sounds, no matter if I fail or succeed.
And it was the best thing I ever decided.
If low self-confidence is preventing you from moving forward towards your dream, it is possible to deal with this! You don’t have to stay where you are now – in the unhappy job, doing what you think you “should” be doing, what a “responsible adult” looks like.
How to begin
Starting begins by making a commitment to yourself. Whether that is to read articles or books that help, signing up for a weekly newsletter that sends you weekly inspiration to keep you on track, finding someone on a similar journey to talk to and share your common troubles and successes.
Whatever it is, taking that first step is an important moment, because it gives you that first glimmer of hope that it can be different, that you just might be able to find the courage to embrace what you love, and lead the kind of life you want and deserve, not the life you settle for.
Comment below if burnout has been destroying your self-confidence and if you’re ready to take back your self-confidence and charge towards your passion!
